No more POPSICLE-ING!

WHAT? Yep. Popsicle-ing, which really should be popsicling. What’s that? Well, after “yay you rule” week and dumping straight into the “we hate you because you rule” week…

I froze. I didn’t even realize it. I jumped into sales and marketing videos, I read sales and marketing and lighting and photography and self help books…I decided to completely reinvent myself since my normal me wasn’t really working.

Yeah.

My normal me was fine. I need to maybe not feed into the weirdness and strange energy of everyone around me. I over educated myself (which is okay…I’m all about education) but I was doing it so subconsciously avoid either failing or succeeding. I realized I’ve actually been doing this for a while. If I don’t “fail” then I’m good, and if I don’t REALLY succeed, I’m still good! Nobody can be mad or jealous…

I was a popsicle.  You know the kind. Just sugar and water frozen with maybe some coloring? They’re good. They’re not offensive to anyone. They’re just frozen nothing. They’ll never be dippin’ dots, because they’re just gonna stay sugar water, nothing revolutionary there! They aren’t going to be yogurt or have fresh fruit or be something actually HEALTHY and good…. But by the same token, they aren’t “DIET” popsicles which will CLAIM to have no sugar, yet hide the fact that means it’s all chemicals and water, which is deceitful and bad. I wasn’t that. Nothing revolutionary. Nothing amazing. Nothing bad. Just non offensive frozen sugar water.

I. Will. Be. Damned.

What I did wake up to this week is that I’ve been doing that for a while. My CPP? I passed the exam but let the time expire on image submission. So I sort of did it, but didn’t achieve it so I’m above nobody. When something bad or great happens? I really don’t speak of it. I stay in the neutral zone. My week of immense reboot….taught me that I don’t need to change myself, I need to GET BACK TO MYSELF! Popsicles suck. They’re great until you need something real. I’m pretty sure in the bible it even says, “man cannot live on sugar water alone.” Or maybe not. I don’t know. Maybe in the Koran? The Dhammapada? Surely somewhere. Because it’s true.

So today. This day. This monday. I woke up at 6:30. I didn’t read and sink into videos and books like I’ve been doing. I went to the YMCA to join it. yep. I need to get out. Get moving. Get the blood flowing and the energy back UP! I did it. This sounds teeny, but I live in a little town. The YMCA is over half an hour from me….but, I did it. Their system was down, which means I brought the paperwork home, and it’s all good to go back tomorrow. I was planning on that anyhow. There will be yoga or pilates or zumba or something fun, so I’ll be there anyhow.

I created some gift vouchers. I will be taking these to the Chamber to have them included in each “new resident” package for our town. My studio isn’t even IN the same town as the chamber and I don’t even CARE! haha! It’s one town away, so I’m READY TO SHOOT!!!!! Marketing!!!!! I’m DOING IT!!!!! I also signed up for a luncheon. I am typically “too shy” to do these things. PFFFFFFFT. Shy be DAMNED. Shy was my friend that kept me from outshining anyone. She’s great, she’s loyal, but I need more friends now other than Shy.

I’ve edited. I’ve also input pricing into some new software that I’ve literally had since last year. Do you see how much I’ve put off in the name of popsicling? I’ve not marketed, I’ve not CREATED my own path. I’ve sat drinking beers with Shy (she’s a popsicle, too) while people told me I was amazing….or that I kinda sucked because I was amazing. The universe kept on sending people to me. Maybe to remind me of what I could do?

SO TODAY. It’s a new time. I know all the numbers I need. I know the editing I need. I know what I need to do to learn and create and yes, be AMAZING. I’m gonna be Dippin’ Dot, helado, fresh fruit, probiotic, vegan, badass, gluten free, whole meal in a damned popsicle kind of popsicle.

I AM GOING TO BE SPECTACULAR. No more freaking sugar water. I’m coming for the whole freaking produce section and we’re gonna revolutionize that damned snack.

And, no. I don’t have a photo of a popsicle. I googled. They were all dirty, and not in the “dropped in the mud” kind of dirty…ya know? So, this blog, is popsicle-less, maybe in homage to no more popsicling! So….here’s a groovy cantaloupe instead…DIG IT!RobinThompson_Crichton

Ahhhhh….the drama of the STUDIO….

The young ones all over the kitchen...

The young ones all over the kitchen…

So, I’ve explained that I’m on a journey here. I’m on a heck of a journey. The universe sort of burped, snuffled and laughed once I made my intentions clear. I decided to OWN this photography thing. I mean, OWN it. I would school and workshop and dive into every aspect of all of it and know everything I can know. I decided this about 7 years ago.

I went to school. I took digital and film and attended workshops. I got pregnant after my (then) youngest was 12. Shock. OK, I can still own this career and home school and have a baby. GO! Well, sadly, my sweet surprise baby was stillborn. Fortunately, we had a birth photographer there. (my first clue into how priceless a photo can be). Take a year off to grieve, recuperate, etc. Then, back to it. After that, my husband went into kidney failure. Hospitals, dialysis three days a week and now on a transplant list. ONE MONTH after his kidneys failed… we got two foster babies. They were 6 months and a year and a half. We had them for a year and BOY did I learn some time management through that year. Husband gone most of the time, keeping my grand-babies who were almost 2 and 4, the foster babies who were 6 mo and almost two (ended up with a 1 1/2 yr old, two 2 year olds and a 5 year old) so four kids 4 and under, and a home schooled 16 year old. WHEW. I’d get up at 4:30am to edit my shoots just so I could still cling to MY thing.

Now? Well, I’m down to three kids during the day. They’re getting older and easier. The teen drives and has his own car, husband is still waiting on a kidney..things are calming for me bit by bit. Now it’s time for a studio. I’ve gone through at least five different options. One I held on to for MONTHS while the landlord gave me the runaround. I was heart broken when it wasn’t happening as I’d envisioned it. I couldn’t figure why the universe wasn’t working WITH me.

Today? I met with a builder. No more land lords to-be, runaround, hoping, stressing over space, driving around looking…nope. I’m building. I hope. Today was the first day where I laid it out and said what I needed/wanted/hoped for. The builder is getting the quote together. I’m crossing my fingers and eyes and toes and everything else. I actually could have my own studio. I actually could have it SOON.

My own space to shoot the images for my CPP image submission… to do my newborn shoots… to never have to cancel due to weather because I don’t have a REAL studio. I can see so clearly the shoots, the clients coming in to view their images, the classes I’ll hold… I have big plans for this space. When I say big plans… I have a diverse set of plans. I want to make art. Do alternative processes. Do amazing shoots. Learn more about lighting than I can imagine. OMG. I’m going to have MY OWN STUDIO SPACE!!!!!!!! So please, blogville…everyone in blogville, start crossing things for luck. For lots of luck. I’ve done babies in every form and even fought sickness and kidneys alongside my husband…I’m still here. Kids are getting big. I feel positive that a kidney’s gonna come….and art is about to happen. IN. MY. STUDIO.

SQUEEEEEEEAL!!!!!